New Blog

Well friends,

I've started a new blog for this new chapter of life. Go to www.mjsummers.blogspot.com from now on for my posts!

His love is enough.

What a day this has been so far.

December 27, 2009. The day I have dreaded the most all year. Today marks the five year anniversary of my dad's death.

This is always a weird time of year for me because it's my most loved and anticipated, yet most hated and dreaded, all at the same time. I obsess over Christmas. I put my tree up on August 30. I count down all year long. I'll bet you can't find a person who loves Christmas more than I do. All of that excitement, joy, anticipation, crazy celebration... it's all real. I don't fake it. I don't force it. I truly do love Christmas and everything about it. But at the same time, I feel sick sometimes thinking about it because I know that with it comes memories and feelings that I absolutely do not want to relive. But I can't avoid it. So needless to say, it's a very weird time. If there is ever a true emotional roller-coaster, it's me during Christmastime.

I knew today was going to be tough. But I also knew it was a Sunday and I'd get to go to church and be with my church family and that would help a whole lot. But things didn't really go as expected. I've been sick for two straight weeks, and that's been really frustrating. I went to the doctor last week and got an antibiotic, took the whole thing, and still felt bad. Last night I started feeling really bad, and I woke up about 4 this morning in really bad pain, with rapidly rising fever. I tried to take Ibuprofen and sleep it off, but I couldn't. I hate the ER... and I especially hate it on December 27. I didn't want to go anywhere near it, but I didn't have a choice. So I started off the day driving myself to the ER at 5:30.

This meant no church. Being locked in the house all day. And, most horribly, missing out on taking our youth to Merge, our winter church camp, tomorrow morning. I began the day thinking, "This is the worst day. Ever."


But I can honestly say, I am thankful for today. The Lord allowed me to be brought pretty low, but he met me in that valley and I encountered His love today in a way I never have before.

From the very start of the day, I was surrounded by love. His love. His love delivered through His children.

A good friend of mine met me at the ER about halfway through my visit because she didn't want me to be there alone. She took my prescription and got it filled and paid for it. She got me some food and other stuff I would need to make me feel better. She made sure I was okay. She called me throughout the day to check and make sure I was ok and taking my medicine. She gave me a card saying she's praying for me with some awesome, encouraging words that really empowered me.





Another friend of mine texted me all morning and day. She was in another state but made it very clear that she wanted so bad to be here with me. She covered me in prayer and encouragement and loved me in such huge ways.

Another friend texted me all morning as well, making sure I was okay and I had everything I needed. She came over for a while just to keep me company. She made me laugh and smile. She gave me a card and inside it was completely blank except for the simple words, "I'm praying." She was absolutely lifting me up to the Savior all day. She had her Sunday School class all write me little get well soon cards and brought them to me. She got me some sweet kids sunglasses just to brighten my day. She just simply poured love out on me.



Marty came to Conway as soon as he knew what was going on. He's been here all day long except for a few hours when he had to go into work. He's been so awesome. He's made sure I'm comfortable, gotten me food, made me take my medicine. He's listened to me talk when I was high on my pain meds without laughing at me too much. He's entertained me and looked at girly magazines with me. He's been patient. He's let me sleep... made me sleep. He tells me I'm pretty when I know for a fact I am anything but pretty today. He loves me even when I'm sick, loopy, needing a shower, and not so pleasant to be around. And I know he's been praying for me all day.

All day long my phone has not stopped going off with text messages and phone calls from people from church... kids in the youth group, adults, staff, friends, everyone. A number of people have written me on facebook letting me know they're praying for me. My mom has called all day checking on me. My grandma sent me a message first thing this morning. Friends from high school and soccer who I never see or talk to anymore have texted me telling me they're thinking about me and praying for my family.


All day long I have just been showered with love... love through prayers, thoughts, encouragement, verses. I told Marty earlier, "If I ever get to a point where I feel like nobody loves me, slap me." Because today it was made very clear that I am loved by some very awesome people. But transcending that is the Truth that I am so loved by a very awesome God. On a day when my heart is broken and I honestly just want to crawl into a cave and stay there for a few weeks, the Lord reached down to the very pit I was in and held on to me so tight in order to simply say, "Hey Jordan... I love you."


What a mighty God we serve! What an awesome victory, that in our darkest battles, in our worst days, in our greatest pains, we can also know our greatest hope, greatest love, greatest purpose. When we have nothing, we have everything. When our hearts are in a million pieces, they're still completely whole. When nothing makes sense or seems constant, He remains faithful. He fights for us. He calms us. He gives us peace. He gives us rest. He protects and shields us. All just to say that He loves us.

He loves me. He loves me so much that He would meet me in my desert. He loves me so much that He would free me from my bondage. He loves me so much that he would bring me to a pit so that I would know this love in a way that I wouldn't without the darkness.

Today has still be stinkin tough. I miss my dad. I hate the memories of this day five years ago. I physically feel horrible. I'm still devastated about missing church today and merge this week. But conquering that today has been His love. And it's been enough. It's always enough.

Waiting for revelation...

God has been speaking to my heart in big ways in the last couple of months. I feel as if he is preparing to reveal something to me... something concerning his will for me. Possibly the next step for me to take in my ministry.

It's a strange time. I am about to go crazy wanting to figure out what it is, but at the same time I am completely peaceful knowing that whatever it is, it will be good. It's sometimes hard for me to be in these waiting periods of my life because I am such a planner. I love to have things figured out in advance. God doesn't always work like that though.

I have been going through the book of Romans in my quiet time and the other day I read this simple verse:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

If you grew up in church at all, you know this verse. In fact, I could have quoted this entire verse without ever reading it. I have known it for years, but reading it this time was different.

There is one word in that verse that I think is so significant: then.

This verse says that we will be able to test and approve his will when, and only when, we have been transformed. When we are no longer living out of a worldly mindset or caught up in worldly patterns, but when we are living out of a transformed self that is in total fellowship with Christ. In times like this, God is working on my heart. He is preparing me for something, and I know that without a doubt. I often find myself in these times, on my face begging God to just speak and reveal and allow me to test and approve whatever his will is. I want so desperately to know it so that I can live it. But I do it without first seeking this total transformation. I just continue living my normal life and expect him to just send me answers. 

I think this verse is talking about both the Ultimate Transformation that comes through salvation. We can not begin to live the life God has called us to live until first the Spirit transforms us into new creations that are no longer slaves to the patterns of the world, but slaves to freedom in righteousness. But I also think it is talking about the type of transformation that Christians need from time to time after salvation. Saved people can still so easily slip into routines and patterns that the world has set. Saved people can easily develop mindsets and attitudes and thoughts that are of the world. Saved people still need transformation.

I think this is what God was telling me in my quiet time through this verse. It was like he was saying, "Jordan, I have big things for you. I want to use you. I have your future in my hands and I want to show you the next small piece of that, but before I do, you have to let me transform you. You will be able to test and approve my will when you allow me to do a work in your heart and mind and continue to chisel you to be even more like me."

Transformation is never an easy thing. It's often scary and painful. It requires me to expose my most shamefully hidden areas of my heart and let go of the things I have been holding on to as crutches. It requires vulnerability and levels of faith that may not have ever been required of me before. Transformation rarely occurs without some form of persecution or suffering, some sort of battle. But oh, the blessing that comes as a result. The purification. The restoration. The clarity of mind. The freedom. The renewed ability to love. The restored vision. The new joy. The new ability to test and approve his will. The opportunity to take the next step. The deeper fellowship with the Savior.

So now lately, I have been on my knees praying for transformation. Praying for God to convict me of things I was not even aware of in my own heart and mind. I have truly been trying to discern and detect any worldly patterns I have fallen into lately. I am stripping away any forms of entertainment, activity, thinking, that may cloud my mind. I am begging for God to do whatever it takes to bring me to the place of total transformation that I need in order to really test and approve what his will is for me... what it is he's preparing me for.

Tribute To Mrs. Jerene

THIS, my friends, is something for which I am very, very thankful.

What is it? 

This is a picture of one of the most faithful, talented, Godly, humble servants of Christ I have ever known. This is Mrs. Jerene Reddin.

Mrs. Jerene has been playing piano for our church for at least 100 years... and she hasn't aged a bit! I have gone to Antioch for pretty much my entire life. In that time, I can count on one hand the number of Sundays that I did not see her in this position... playing piano. On the Sundays that she isn't there (which is literally less than once a year and ONLY because she is so sick she is almost dying or out of town on a mission trip), everyone notices. It's just not the same. 

This woman is truly one of my heroes. I can't imagine Antioch Baptist Church without her, and I don't want to. She's not only always there and willing, but she's stinkin good! This woman can play!! 

There are so many things I could say about her. So many memories I have of her over the years.

Like the fact that she lead quarternotes, our children's choir, when I was a kid and made someone as musically retarded as me enjoy it.

Or the fact that she did music time at VBS every single summer of my childhood and made me LOVE it.

And the fact that she still participates in VBS, faithfully teaching whatever group of kids she is assigned. 

Or the fact that she can play the piano, sing like a stinkin angel, and turn the pages of her music in .0000001 seconds all at the same time. (I admit it, sometimes I get distracted and catch myself just totally fixated on her and her abilities... don't judge.)

Or the fact that when I lost my dad, she was right there the entire time offering words of comfort and encouragement and holding me up with her prayers.

And the fact that to this day, she is one of the very few people who still remembers the sensitive dates... like his birthday, death, father's day, holidays, etc. and goes out of her way to make sure I know she is thinking about me and praying for me. 

Or the fact that she is constantly encouraging me, telling me that I'm doing good even when I'm probably not. 

And the fact that she makes sure I know I can call her any time a scary man is by my house or I need anything at all... because we're neighbors now, and that's awesome!

Or the fact that her hair is perfect. Always. (okay, had to throw that one in there!)

And the fact that she faithfully and JOYFULLY serves the community through our food pantry every single week. Even when she misspells the announcement to read, "Food Panty." 

....There is so much more I could say. So much more that MANY, MANY people could say. But I'll just say this... 

She has blessed my life. Bro. Jason was talking about the people in our lives who have truly encouraged and inspired us and made impressions on us... made us better people. She, my friends, is most definitely one of those in my life. 

She is truly a hero. An unsung hero. 

She hasn't saved anyone from a burning building, but she has sure lead a number of people to being saved from the flames of Hell.

She isn't super rich and doesn't give away huge gifts to random people, but she is RICHLY blessed with joy and encouragement, and freely and cheerfully gives it to all who enter her presence.

She doesn't have super powers, but there is power in her prayers.

She can't play or sing PERFECTLY, although it is very close, but she sure can do it faithfully and genuinely.

She will probably not like the fact that I am posting this on a public forum, but that's because she doesn't do these things for her praise or recognition. She just simply does it because she loves her Jesus. Because she wants HIM to be praised and glorified.

And THAT is why I love her. I admire her. I thank God for her. 

He's better than money.

I read these verses this morning in my quiet time and they just spoke to me in such a big way that I had to stop and write about it before going to class.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5

I love this. He doesn't say "be content with what you have because I'll make sure you get plenty." His because, his reason for us being able to be content doesn't even have a thing to do with money. But instead, he offers something so much more. So much bigger. So m uch better.

Instead of saying "be content because I'll make sure you have enough," it's like he's saying, "Don't love money. Don't love the things money can buy. Be content with whatever you may or may not have. Because even if you don't have money or stuff or even a comfortable lifestyle, what you DO have is even better. You have me. You have my hand, my presence, my comfort. Money may come and go... but I'm NEVER leaving. I'm always here. I'm always enough. In me, you can ALWAYS be content."

This spoke to me in such a big, peaceful way. I'm at a point in my lfie where money is screaming my name daily... or the lack of money, I should say. I have been left in a situation that is requiring me to make some very big, hard decisions concerning finances. I am looking at graduation in May and freaking out about the idea of having all of these "grown-up" bills to pay and not a clue what kind of income will be coming in. I am stressing out wondering how I'm going to make it until May because the situation I have been left in has left me as financially unstable as I have ever been. (I didn't know a broke college student couldn't possibly get more broke.) I look at my future and I want a family... a home... but then I remember money and have no idea how all that works out. Money has always scared me, but it's always been a thing I can "be afraid of in a few years." But those few years have passed and now it's here. Decisions. Worries. Questions.

And I must admit, I have worried. I have had freak out moments. I have not presented my requests to God with the faith I should have had. But this morning it was like God just gently spoke to my heart and said, "Jordan... don't worry about it. I got this. I'm God. I'm your provider. I'm your Father. I'm not going to watch you fall. I'm not going to forsake you. I'm not going to let go. I'm here. I'm always here. And I'm enough. Even if you're poor, broke, homeless... you still have more than enough. You have me. You have my love. My hand. My protection. My comfort. My guidance. My peace. YOU HAVE ME."


And that's all I needed to hear this morning. I have him. I've had him since I was 7 years old. I have him now. I'll have him forever. I may not have the car, the house, the stuff. But I have so much more. Always. And because of that, I am, and will always be content. I am content in Him. Wow.


He's good! He's enough!
He's better than money. He's my future.

What blessing is in your front yard?

Just a little while ago, I was humbled. In a big way.

I'm just going to be transparent and say that this has been a rough week. I haven't felt well at all, life has thrown quite a few things my way that haven't been fun or easy, and it's just been stinkin hard. 

I have spent the past few days on the couch, just trying to allow myself to rest and get better in every sense. I'm not a restful person. There's only so much couch time I can take, then I'm going crazy. I was going crazy this evening. I had to get out of the house, even if it was just for a few minutes. I decided to go for a drive.

I absolutely love this time of year with all the leaves changing and everything just settling and seeming so peaceful. So I went for a drive around Conway to look at all the leaves. I was just feeling blah in every way that you can feel blah, so I set out to look for blessings... the blessings of the beautiful leaves. It was amazing. I spent a lot of time just praising God for his creation and thanking him for blessing this earth with such beauty. I needed that.

I headed home and when I turned on my road I could see way down in the distance this huge, gorgeous tree. The prettiest one I had seen yet on my drive. From where I was I couldn't quite tell where it was in relation to my house, but I was going to find out. I kept driving and the closer I got, the more I realized this tree was pretty stinkin close to my house. I got a couple streets closer just to realize it was right by my house. Possibly even next door to me.

As I finally approached the tree, I just stopped, in awe. This tree was IN MY FRONT YARD. How in the world did I not ever notice it before?? It is HUGE. It's one of the biggest trees around our area. It pretty much covers my entire front yard and side yard, along with about half of my neighbor's. And it's leaves are amazing. There are thousands of them, filling every inch of sky around my house. They're in the process of changing from green to red/brown, so right now they're at that stage where the underneath side is still a little bit greenish yellowish while the top of them is bright orange/red. This was about 5:00, so the sun was just starting to set a little bit and it was hitting the tree from the most perfect angle. The light shone through the branches in a way that totally illuminated these vibrant colors. 

I pulled into my driveway and parked my car and walked across the street. I just stood there for a minute, staring at this amazing masterpiece. It's MY tree. In MY yard. Filling the sky around MY house. And I never even noticed it until now?? Sure, I knew I had this big gigantic tree in my front yard, but all I've ever really noticed about the tree is that it's really annoying in the spring because it produces millions of these tiny flowers that get in my house every time I open the front door. And it's really annoying in the late fall because the leaves fall off and I have to rake every stinkin day and then just like the flowers, the leaves get in my house. I've noticed that it's really scary to walk on my sidewalk sometimes in the summer because I never know what kind of crazy critter us up in its branches. I've noticed it every time it's storming, hoping and praying it doesn't get struck by lightening and fall on my house. But other than those things, I've never really paid much attention to it. It's just been a big stinkin tree in my front yard.

But today, I NOTICED IT. In such a huge way! I noticed it for it's beauty, for it's ability to display the fingerprints of my Master, for the way it screams His glory. I noticed it as a blessing. A huge blessing. MY blessing.

As I came inside and thanked God for the tree, I was convicted. That's a lot how life works sometimes. We go on these explorations to seek blessings. We get bogged down with the negative and we think we have to go search for and find the good. Sometimes we may even feel that God has almost forgotten to bless us, so we take upon ourselves to go find our own blessings. We may drive around life, finding things that are pretty fulfilling, pretty blessed, pretty awesome. But eventually we realize that the biggest, most beautiful blessing was right in our front yard the whole time. We just didn't recognize it. We may think God hasn't been blessing us, or he's forgetting to bless us, or we deserve more blessing. Only to take a step back and realize that the biggest, most wonderful blessing has been right at our feet the entire time. He always blesses, we just don't always remember to look.

It makes me think of dads who continually look for blessings in their jobs, their money. They seek more and more and more, thinking it'll be more and more beautiful. It's good. But it's not the best. They waste so much time driving around the roads of success and career, only to come back and realize that the greatest blessing they could ever have, they've had the entire time. The blessing of a family. Of children who love them. Of a wife who thinks they're great. 

It makes me think of a a girl who sets out to find her blessings in her clothes. Her body size. Her shape. Her face. She drives and drives and drives, trying so hard to look good enough to feel blessed. Only to realize one day that the most beautiful blessing she was looking for the whole time, the blessing of a gentle, truthful, faithful, loving heart and spirit, was in her front yard the whole time.

It's makes me think of me. Of you, probably. Of the way we drive around, looking for blessings in other people. We look for the boyfriend/girlfriend. The husband/wife. More friends. We drive around, begging people to understand us, love us, accept us, know us, trust us. We find those things, and they're great. They bless us. They're beautiful. But they're still not fulfilling. They're still not THE best. And we finally come to the point where we drive back home and we realize that the entire time, the most beautiful blessing, the one we've been longing to see the entire time, the blessing of God's love, God's understanding, God's acceptance, God's knowledge of us, God's trust... has been in our front yard the entire time. We've just not seen it. Or we've seen it and have just neglected to recognize it for what it truly is. We've failed to see it in ALL its glory. All its wonder. All its majesty.

So it just makes me wonder... what blessing is sitting in your front yard that you have failed to truly see? What have you neglected to acknowledge as a blessing? As THE blessing you've been looking for?

I guarantee you, we all have them. 

What if we stop driving around searching for what's "out there" so much, and just simply look at what's right here? I think life could change. In big ways.

Thank you, Lord, for the big, beautiful tree in my front yard. Thank you for the big, beautiful blessings you put at my feet daily. And thank you even more for Your big, beautiful love that I so often fail to recognize. 

He's good. He's enough. He's big. He's beautiful. He's wonderful.

HE is THE blessing.

Don't miss it!

Battles.

I never truly knew what it mean to battle anything until the last few years of my life. Now I know. I know all too well.

But I am so thankful I know.

Because you can't truly see how powerful God is until you truly see how powerful the enemy is that He has overcome.